


What happens in this art store, stays in this art store

by lily_ddark



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Coworkers - Freeform, M/M, Oneshot, Simon POV, agatha is a chaotic gay, art store fic, baz do be modeling, gareth breaks everything, they’re gay what do u want from me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:14:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26049376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lily_ddark/pseuds/lily_ddark
Summary: Baz and Simon work at an art store, and Baz has god like acrylic paints stored away in his locker. Simon plans a heist and chaos ensues.This is random, gay, and chaotic. But then again that’s just snowbaz right?
Relationships: Dev/Niall (Simon Snow), Gareth/Rhys (Simon Snow), Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow, Penelope Bunce & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Penelope Bunce/Shepard, Shepard & Simon Snow, Simon Snow/Agatha Wellbelove, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62





	What happens in this art store, stays in this art store

**Author's Note:**

> this was so fun to write and yes the heist was inspired by b99 because bi chaos is basically the plot of that show
> 
> __________
> 
> instagram: @mammillariainflames

“Good morning, Dreamboat,” Baz says, waltzing in as he tosses a Subway bag my way.

“Mornin’ Basilton,” I rip open the bag at my checkout counter, swatting Gareth’s hand away from my sandwhich, “Flattery won’t get you anywhere, by the way.”

He smirks and slips on his apron, “Can’t I just compliment my cute coworker?”

I feel my cheeks heat up, “Shut up. I know you’re just trying to weasel your way out of our bet.”

Baz rolls his eyes and moves over to the crafting table where Agatha is sitting with pastel dust all over her hands, “You just know you’re going to lose.”

“As if,” I say with a mouthful of bread and ham, “You’re going _down_ , Pitch.”

Shepard slips ontop the counter, “What the hell are you guys talking about? Is this a weird sex thing-“

“No!,” we both shout.

“Alright, alright,” he nods, putting up his hands, “Then what the hell is happening?”

I clear my throat, “Okay, so, basically,” I hop into the counter next to Shep, “Baz and I made have made a deal. If Shepard,” I pat Shep’s back, “And Penny got together before the end of this month, I would be allowed to try to plan a heist to steal Baz’s _godly-stunning-beautiful-sexy_ -“

“Nope,” Baz calls out from the craft table.

“Sorry- Paints that are in his locker which he actually locks for some reason?”

Shepard nods, “Locking your locker is kind of psychotic.”

“Shut up Shepard, your only personality trait is that you’re from Omaha.”

“Woahhh,” we shout.

“No need to get bitchy Pitch!”

Gareth jumps up onto the counter next to me and waves his hand, “This whole thing is kind of weird, if I’m being honest.”

“Yeah well, we work at art store in the middle of nowhere Gareth. What else do we have to do?”

“We do have those paint and wine classes.”

“Shut up Gareth! Just go break something so already we can deal with that earlier today.”

“I don’t _always_ break something.”

“Sure,” we all chime.

_________________

“Simon, honestly, I’m flattered, but don’t you and Baz have a lot of gay tension or am I just reading into that? Also _I’m_ gay. Very, very gay-“

“Oh my god Agatha you’ve came out to me like five times already _I_ know,” I whisper hiss at her, “And I didn’t drag you into the supply closet because I want to make out with you.”

“Are you sure? I have a fucking god complex man.”

“Jesus Agatha no I don’t want to make out with you.”

“Alright then, what do you want then?”

“I need you to help me...”

_________________

I’m eating the Subway cookies Baz also brought me when he walks over to the crafting table and stares at Agatha with a raised eyebrow.

“Wellbelove?”

“Yeah?”

“What the _fuck_?”

Agatha smiles at the mess of pastel dust and paper all over the crafting area, “So, I made a biggg mess, uh oh.”

He puts his hands on his hips and sighs, “Jesus Wellbelove our busy hours start in 45 minutes!”

“Oh uh,” she shrugs, “Guess we gotta hurry the fuckity up, huh?”

Baz sighs and grabs a piece of paper off the ground. Agatha shakes her finger around and points at the breakroom which is my cue to go.

I run to inside and Dev is already there with a bobby pin up in Baz’s lock, “Hurry up!,” I whisper hiss.

“Okay! Stop rushing me!”

The door busts open and Baz has pastel dust all over his clothes, “Aha!,” he points at us, “I caught you dumbasses!”

Dev and I look at each other with wide eyes, “Uhhh.”

Baz snatches the bobby pin but right before he leaves Dev latches onto his legs, “I need...advice!”

“Smooth,” I mumble.

_________________

“So...you were picking the lock...with Snow...because _you_ wanted the paints...to fix your relationship problems with Niall?”

“Uh, mhmh. Yep. Yessir. Aha,” Dev scratches his head, “Mhmh.”

“And what exactly are your problems?,” Baz leans foward and places his hands on his knees. His hair falls foward and frames his smirking face.

“Uh, it’s...complicated..?”

He raises an eyebrow, “Okay then how are my _paints_ going to fix this complicated problem?”

Dev slaps his hand on the ground quickly making both Baz and I jump. Dev hops up and hugs Baz, “You’re right man, I just need to suck his face off. Thanks.”

“That’s not what I-“

“Yeah,” Dev lets him go and pats his back as he walks out, “Love you!”

Baz crosses his arms and stares at me, “That was weird right?”

I laugh nervously, “ _So_ weird.”

He raises an eyebrow and when he starts to open his mouth I rush past him, patting his back on the way out.

_________________

I slowly open the door and the bell chimes, “Fuck,” I groan.

“Hey Snow,” Baz pops in from behind the pen shelf, “Are you going to lunch? Fiona said she’d give us free french fries-“

“No!,” I scream which gets me a confused look, “...What?”

“I um,” I notice Shepard walking out of the supply closet and I cough loudly.

He looks up and his mouth drops turns into an O, “Basilton! My dude!”

Baz flips around, “Yeah?”

“I uh, need your help man! Gareth, he, uh, you know how much a of a hazard that guy is aha. So anyways,” he waves him over and Baz walks towards him, “I need you to talk to him about he has to stop um.......trying to do the ‘Ghost’ pottery scene with Rhys while Dev and Niall teach the.....kid pottery classes...yeah...”

“.....Excuse me?”

“Mhmh. It’s gotten out of hand my dude...”

I run out the door before I have to hear the rest of that.

_________________

“Heyo! I’m back!,” I yell, tossing Baz a bag with a takeout container in it, “And I’m ready to win!”

Baz smiles at and I feel my heart flutter, “What’s this Snow?”

“I got you a piece of choclate fudge cake from the bakery since you like overly sweet stuff,”  I smile back, “How’d it go with...uh, Gareth?”

He rolls his eyes and sighs, “It went fine.”

“Mhh,” I grin at him, “Y’know once I get those paints we should have another bet on when Rhys and Gareth are getting together.”

“Yeah?,” he sits on top of the crafting table and opens the box while waving me over, “What would the bet be?”

I hop onto the table and scoot close to him, taking the fork he was holding out for me, “Maybe you could just clean my locker?”

He laughs around his fork, “Not in a million years, Snow. I bet you could kill someone with that smell in there.”

I giggle, “You’re so mean! It’s not even that bad Bazzy!”

“Don’t call me that,” he grins while flicking some cake crumbs at me. I open my mouth to try to catch them and he snorts, “You’re so gross, Snow.”

“Shut up Basilton you _love_ it.”

“You couldn’t be more wrong.”

“I couldn’t be more right!”

“Ow! Did you just poke me with your fork?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re a brute, Simon Snow.”

“A smart brute, Basilton Pitch. I’m winning this bet whether you like it or not.”

“Yes, because your attempt was _so_ successful.”

“You have no idea.”

_________________

I’m checking out a couple of sketch books for a girl with bright green hair (who buys more then one at time? maybe she’s in a cult), when I hear Penny and Baz arguing.

Once the girl leaves I slowly make my way behind the oil paint shelf to eavesdrop on them.

“No I’m not going to be your model of a bunch of _drunk_ thirty year olds!”

“C’mon Basil! What are they going to paint? Fruit? Still life paintings?”

“Yes?!”

“No! They want to paint portraits of a handsome young man!”

“Thanks for the compliment Bunce but-“

“No but’s!”

“I’m not going to-“

“Yes you _are_. I will not have them paint... _sandwiches_ or something stupid. I’m going to make a good impression.”

“Ugh, fine but you’re giving some of that wine.”

_________________

“Thanks Niall!,” I wave at him as I walk back inside.

I go through the warehouse and see Shepard and Agatha standing by the window of the painting class.

“Hey guys,” I slid in next to them, “How’s it going?”

Agatha grins, “Right on schedule.”

“Perfect,” I grin back and look into the class.

Baz is sitting on a stool next to Penny who’s speaking to all the tipsy women. They’re all giggling and some are winking at Baz. He’s got his hair slicked back and he’s wearing a skin tight tank top (which is making me _feel_ things).

He suddenly catches my eye and he smiles a bit, his cheeks redding slightly...then the power goes out.

_________________

“Muévete! Eres tan lento!”

“Stop speaking to me in Spanish Agatha, you’re making me nervous!”

“Hurry up dumbass!”

“Okay! Okay!”

“She’s right you have to ‘muévete’.”

“You’re not helping Shepard!”

“Just hurry up Si!”

“I got it!”

“You have three minutes bro.”

“Alright see you guys on the other side.”

“Oh! Before you go, paint me a penis with those magical paints!”

“Aren’t you gay, Agatha?”

“They’re aesthetically pleasing, Shepard!”

“Okay...I’m leaving now.”

_________________

When lights switch back on I hear pacing and Penny apologizing for the power situation.

The door to the break room swings open and Baz is standing with pastel dust, silly string, and confetti all over his hands, “Hello Snow.”

“Hello Basilton,” I smile, squeezing the tube of blue paint into my hand (it’s his favortie color), “Looks like someone lost.”

He shakes his head smiling a full smile while closing the door and taking a seat infront of me on the floor of newspaper I set up, “I’m impressed, but was it really necessary to fill my locker with all of this shit?,” he raises his hands and I laugh.

“I brought you wipes for that,” I hand him the box and he cleans his hands.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah.”

He looks at me with that same look he gave me when he was modeling for the class, “How’d you do it?”

“Well,” I smile, “When Agatha made that ‘mess’-“

“Don’t _air-quote_ that, it was an actual mess that _I_ had to clean up.”

“Oh boo hoo,” I grab a paint brush out of the box I brought and I coat it in blue paint, “Anyways, when I got into work Agatha was stoned as hell so after I got my usual sandwhich from you I dragged her into the supply closet to ask her to make the mess.”

“ _You_ thought that was the distraction,” I grab his arm and start painting on it, “But it wasn’t. The real distraction was me and Dev trying to pick the lock while Agatha copied your key that she took out of your apron while you were cleaning.”

“And him asking for dating advice was a distraction too right?”

“Yeah, Agatha was being too slow on the key and he had to improvise,” Baz looks down at his arm but I move his head back up which earns me an eyeroll. 

“Anyways, once she was done she slid it across the floor and that’s why Dev slapped his hand on the ground.”

“You know, it’s concerning I didn’t think that was out of character.”

“Yeah but I can’t blame you. One time I saw him snort paint brush hair.”

“How do you even do that?”

“I don’t know, it was actually kind of impressive, should I try it-“

“Back to the heist, Snow.”

“Right, so then he hugged you so he could slip the key back into your apron. After that, I asked Shep to occupy you during lunch since we usually go together everyday. I made a copy of your key and then went to the bakery and gave you, your overly sweet cake.”

“Then modeling for Penelope’s class...”

“Yeah when she said sandwich that was my code word to go ask Niall to break into the circuit box and turn off the lights for our store. Man does know how to do _really_ sketchy stuff.”

“He’s kind of a genius.”

“But I’m more of a genius right?”

Baz rolls his eyes, “Sure you are, Snow.”

I let go of his arm and set down the paint brush, “Anyways. Now we’re here, and I want you to look at your arm. Hurry-before-I-get-scared-and-run-out-the-door-please.”

He does as he’s told and he reads the words I wrote out loud, “‘ _You’re hot, do you want to suck faces and go out_ ,’ followed by a little drawing of a goat.”

“Because goats are cute,” I laugh nervously.

Baz looks up at me and the suddenly grabs my face.

And we’re kissing.

I’m kissing the cute guy who works at the art store with me. The guy who brings me a sandwich everyday, and cookies whenever he’s feeling flirty. The guy who makes snarky comments. The guy who can draw like a fucking god.

The guy who’s pushing me down against the newspaper and destroying all of his precious acrylic paints.

He moves away from me now, looking me in the eye, “I didn’t answer your question.”

“No you didn’t.”

“It’s a yes.”

“I thought so.”

He brushes a piece of hair from my forehead and I feel paint smear across my head, “Did we make a mess?”

“I think we did, Snow.”

“We can just blame it on Gareth right?”

“Probably.”


End file.
